Why I love nurses

Emerson has a wonderful Doctor; we love her and so does Emerson. Here’s what boggles me… nurses. I call our clinic’s nurse hot line on an average of 1-2 times a month. Not enough to categorize me as a hypochondriac.

As of late I’ve had a few experiences that have made me question the nursing world…

1. Emerson wasn’t taking her antibiotics because they smelled (and presumable, tasted) like burnt tire. As in she would clinch her gums together so tightly I had to pry them open with my finger and then she’d spit out the stank fluid. So I improvised by mixing her meds with her 2 solid meals per day. This was the ONLY way she’d get the stuff down, however this meant I was missing the third dose. Being the fool I am I thought 2 is better than 3 right? WRONG… After the prescribed 10 days were up we had left over prescription from the less frequent dosage, so I called the nurse to see what I should do. While the first nurse said, “just keep on taking the full prescription even though you’ve finished the 10 days” the second one said, “NO! You should stop giving it to her completely… in fact you’ve probably helped her get immune to the stuff…” Hmmm… you’d think concurring opinions might be a landmark of 2 nurses from the same clinic, but I digress…

The clincher was when nurse #2 who I have in my head as a lady version of the Hulk gave me some sage advice about how to administer meds from here on out. I’ll call this the “crazy house” maneuver as it conjurs images of taking a derranged person to the loony bin. The move goes as follows:

Sit on ground legs in V-shape shoulder-length apart

Put child’s head between thighs – legs facing the same way as yours

Place child’s arms under your thighs in a “cross-like” position to prevent hands from obstructing med administration

Fold one of your legs over your child’s legs to prevent leg squirming

Hold child’s head down with one hand on forehead

Put syringe of burnt tire meds in back of child’s throat and administer…

All in the name of health.

2. Upon asking what to do with Em when she wakes up at 5am ( to feed or not to feed…) the response of choice is, “Ha ha ha ha! That’s just part of the fun…”

Thank you, nurses. You have provided comfort and clarity and above all else, entertainment.

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One Response to “Why I love nurses”

  1. Patrick Says:

    This is just like Indiana Jones and The Temple of Doom when Indiana is forced to drink the cursed blood so he can tear people’s hearts out with his bare hands. You should get a large indian man to administer it for you just like in the movie.

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