Archive for September, 2007

Workin’ Mama

September 30, 2007

Well, today I leave for a business trip. My first time away from Emerson and it will be for 2 nights, almost 3 days. I was pretty devastated when I left Vic and her this morning. In all honesty, I’ve only been away for Vic for one whole night since I had Emerson. I’m not really used to being without these two and I’m a little nervous.

Maybe Emerson will miss me, but it is more likely that she won’t notice. But when I think about it… I realize the person I’m most worried about is me. I KNOW she’ll be well taken care of… she’s got the best Dad ever and Grandma will be around plenty. I’m really worried about myself.

But hopefully someday Vic and I will get to take a vacation and this is a good practice step to that. Anyway, I will fill you in as the trip unfolds as to my emotional well being. Let’s hope I make it!

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The time has come… She’s crawling

September 20, 2007

Picture Pathetic

September 19, 2007

We took Emerson to get her picture taken today at Picture People in the Salem Center mall. A photography studio in the mall should have been the first clue that we weren’t going to come out with Annie Liebowitz-ish pics. Nonetheless we were done with Sears and JCPenny despite the wonderful childhood memories I have from those “studios” of having drool-infested toys pushed in my face by an “associate”.

Anyway, we – scratch that – I, was excited. This was Emerson’s third picture-taking session, so I’m still pretty new to it and treasure any time I can show off my little bundle. I got Vic to put on a shirt that he questioned when put together with Emerson’s and my ensemble causing a last-minute panic to try and find something else and finally acceptance of my original decision.

We stride on into the fishbowl studio with our gorgeous baby girl certain that she’ll win them over with her infectious smile and giggle. They hook us up with a woman photographer who we could tell Emerson wasn’t going to like from the get-go. Not a real shock; like her mother she’s wary of strangers. This woman was what I call an under-achiever of baby photography. She had 3 real strategies for getting a smile:

1. Bang wooden blocks together

2. Clang her ring against the metal light pole

3. Say “I gonna get you!” and “quack!”

A true pioneer of happiness, that one. None of these worked, of course.

Even when Daddy and Mommy stepped in, things didn’t get any better. She stared at the lady and seemed to jolt with every high-pitched tone of ring striking metal.

At my purchase consultation, the woman tried pushing pictures of Em squinting, almost frowning, me with my eyes closed and some fierce cleavage. I deeply disappointed her by taking only 3 prints away for close to $50. What a rip off.

I’ve decided I’m going to start a studio here in my house in my bathroom. My shower has a white background. Plus, I can do much better than banging blocks and metal together. I could flush the toilet or run the blow dryer. And I wouldn’t try to sell people obviously bad pictures.

Dangerous Minds

September 16, 2007

It’s a pity that of all the colorful, developmental toys Emerson has she’s really only interested in remotes, cell phones and of course, computers. The gravitational pull from baby to mechanical object is as strong as Britney to Commando… no joke.

I feel that images are necessary to truly tell this story.

Baby with my cell phone. Right before it went into her mouth.

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My precious computer, with a missing “down” key baby picked off and then drooled on.

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So, Vic being the true nerd he is naturally had a spare lap top lying around. Her pure obsession with computers is so potent that we thought – heck, let’s put it to good use and download some baby games from Fisher-Price onto the spare.

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So we did.

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And it made her pretty happy…

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And then she found the only other game on the ancient brick..

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Vic hears the sounds of zoo animals springing up all over the screen replaced by the jarring devastation of grenades and chain guns in Quake II.

Really? Has it already come to this? Baby girl has moved so quickly to violence… This is the face of a menace to society…

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Keep your eyes peeled for this one on America’s Most Wanted.

U-G-L-Y

September 15, 2007

I just read this article about a shirt created by a guy getting his Ph.D. in Ridiculous that is supposed to help babies get smart when they are breastfeeding. The article claims the shirt is not only fashionably designed, but is convenient for mothers in design as well (there’s an easy out for the Mommy parts).

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Observations:

1. What child is intently looking at Mom’s shirt when eating?

2. Who would buy enough of these to even make a difference?

3. Don’t call this fashionable. It is heinous.