In the past month I’ve received two forwards from family members. It’s the forward about the little girl getting tea for the stereotypically naive father. He’s not too concerned with where the water in her tea cups is coming from until wise mommy gets home and points out that she could be fetching it from the toilet… the only water source she can reach.

It ends with warm fuzzies and lessons learned. And a picture attached.

Of my daughter.

I emailed the first “originator” I could find to lay the smack down on using my kid’s image without paying asking me permission first. We’ll see how far down the rabbit hole this goes.

Bottom line. Don’t take pictures of other people’s kids off of the internet and use them in your forward. No matter how damn cute they are.

(Picture in forward)

Have a wonderful holiday! We wish you lots of love…

It has been over ONE YEAR since my last blog entry and man, what a difference  year makes. No need to fill you in on all the details, because hey, who wants to hear that? I’m not good at the Christmas time run down letter that encompasses all the good stuff we’ve done, so here it is in standard bullet form:

-Emerson turned one – everyone got sick from her birthday party

-Vic left his office job to revive his own business – going well and kicking A

-I left (also called, “got laid off”) from my job and have a new, better one (boo yah old job)

-Emerson does hilarious things and is awesome

-I regressed in my literature taste and became frightfully obsessed with the Twilight series for approximately 2 weeks in which I read all four books and saw the movie. Ouch. (Spoiler: The movie isn’t that great)

Em in the back yard getting used to the sled idea

There are other things, but those are the highlights.  Emerson, Vic and I braved it outside the comfort of our space-heater toasty bedroom to enjoy the snow that we’ve been having. Oregon really is beautiful when it snows in a winter wonderland sort of way. And oh what an wonder it has been! We lost power for a night and got all “state of emergency” on it with flashlights and sleeping by a fireplace at Vic’s parents’ house. It was quite exciting, although it really did illuminate how not-prepared we are for an emergency. If any of those end of the world movies hold any truth from sub-zero temperatures to bombs—you name it, we’re not ready for it. It made me want to stockpile my canned food supply and invest in arctic gear and gas masks, but it was just a one night power outage so I’m sure I’ll forget about it soon. Phew… thank goodness.

The "Misfits"

On to more important topics like movies. Maybe I’ve seen it one too many times, or maybe I just have a new lense of adulthood on, but “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” is quickly climbing my list of sexist, oppressive movies we commonly show our children. Example:

Donner (Rudolph’s Dad – I didn’t even know this) has been acting a fool and making Rudolph cover his red nose because it’s different (Reminder – this was made in 1964). After getting heat from Dear ol’ Dad and other Reindeer not letting him join in any games for long enough, Rudolph runs away with Hermey the Dentist-wannabe elf. Donner decides he should probably head out to find his son and goes to tell Mrs.Donner (that’s right, she has no name, just Mrs. Donner) his plan and here’s what goes down:

Narrator: Sam the Snowman: Now you can bet that Old Donner felt pretty bad about the way he had treated Rudolph, and he decided the only thing to do was to go out and look for his little buck. Mrs. Donner wanted to go along, naturally, but Donner said…
Donner: No! This is man’s work!
Narrator: Sam the Snowman: And no sooner did the man of the house leave when Mrs. Donner and Clarice decided to set out on their own. Now they were really taking their chances.

Those crazy women… they were really taking their chances now since they didn’t have Dad-of-the-year Donner with them…

That’s just one of the more interesting themes in this tale. I have other theories regarding other lead characters, but that’s a little taste for you. Clearly I’ve seen that too many times this holiday season.

Well, that’s all for now.

See you soon… or in a year:).

My Dad got Emerson a horse-in-the-box for Christmas and she’s literally in love with it. These are the first deliberate kisses I’ve seen:). So cute.

I love telling this story. Probably because it ends with me saying the exact thing to someone that deserved it at exactly the right time. That is, by far, one of the best feelings. Walking away and saying, “damn, that was perfect!”

So, my work out habit is like my blogging habit—sporadic at best. I go up and down in terms of getting in shape post baby because honestly, picking up a fun size Snickers is far easier than driving to the gym. How celebrities get back into bikinis weeks after the body trauma that is birth is beyond me. Thankfully I am at pre-baby weight, but I don’t feel like I am at my ultimate and frankly, at 24, I should be.

When I first signed up for my membership to the local gym I was bright-eyed and ambitious. I couldn’t wait to get in and sculpt myself into a Maxim-worthy mama. It hasn’t worked out quite that way as I have navigated my way through the first year of motherhood. The young man who helped me get my gym membership was nothing short of a car salesman in a muscle shirt, flirting relentlessly despite the child laying in the stroller next to me. He probably saw that the potential was there… if only I would commit myself to being just as hot as he thought he was.

From that first meeting on, he has been “motivating” me to come in more frequently with little pep talks like, “haven’t seen YOU in a while…” and “this girl pays a membership fee and comes in once every couple of weeks…” Clearly he has taken many a course in motivating women.

His intentions are obtuse to me, so I try to ignore him, but usually when he makes these remarks I feel my blood begin to rise in temperature and my face flush. I want to whip around and say, “Look jackass, the next time you push 8.5 pounds of flesh out of your body and spend the next 6 months barely sleeping and have no time to yourself you tell me how eager you are to spend your lunch hour pumping iron… must be nice to WORK at a gym… alas, my biceps are NOT my #1 priority.”

Instead I usually provide a little chuckle with, “yeah, I’ve been busy.”

But last week I took a turn. I got up 4 out of 5 weekday mornings in a row at 5:15am and went to the gym. I ate like a champ and I was feeling pretty good about myself. Curiously, I never saw the grim reaper of guilt during my sunrise visits to the gym.

Thursday rolled around and Pilates was at my lunch hour, so I did a quick morning cardio and made my way back to the gym at noon. On the way there I thought about how nice it had been to NOT run into the gym Nazi in the mornings. I’d encountered such nice workers who just smiled and said “have a good workout” – that’s all I wanted to hear. No guilt about how frequently or infrequently I visited.

Naturally, when Pilates was over and I was running out the door to get back to work on time I heard his voice: “What is this, the second time this month? You’re doing well!” his tone dripping with sarcasm. I knew just how to handle this one. I turned around to see his royal jackassness standing next to one of the AM workers who had a befuddled look on his face as this was now the second time I had seen him today—one of five visits so far this week.

I looked from him back to gym Nazi and said, “Funny you should say that – I’ve been seeing your friend here before the sun rises every morning this week before my baby wakes up and before I have to go to work… but I haven’t seen you around… Who’s lazy now?” With that I promptly turned on my high heels and strutted out of there knowing I had said exactly what I wanted to.

I saw him at the gym the next day and not only did he say nothing… he barely even glanced my way – but I knew he had seen me. I guess all he needed to leave me alone was a little pep talk.

So I’ve been contacted a number of times today about the Bumbo Chair that I wrote on earlier this year that has been recalled from stores for repackaging. Thanks all of you concerned folks! I appreciate it:).

I would like to defend the Bumbo/Bimbo chair a little and say that if you’re going to put your kid in anything and on a table, you probably had a skull fracture yourself when you were little. Ok, that’s bad, I know. But really… when we’re talking about child safety, any time a kid is elevated above God’s green Earth itself danger lurks.

Emerson only uses the Bumbo on the ground and when I’m close by.

Apparently this recall will only change the packaging to make it even more clear (since apparently the warning on the side wasn’t enough) that it shouldn’t be used on tables… and that you shouldn’t leave your kid alone… and while they’re at it, the makers of Bumbo will throw in a few other tips like “don’t leave your child alone next to an open oven” and “don’t let your baby play with marbles” because apparently common sense is in rare form.

Thankfully if you currently own a Bumbo, the manufacturer will be happy to send you a warning label that you can paste on the side of the box that you probably recycled after you opened the thing. In case all the hype didn’t get to you enough to ensure your child is never left in a Bumbo on a table.

I suppose I should take the advice of all the lovely ladies who commented on my Thank You Notes dilemma and say THANKS! I really appreciate you taking the time and giving me some helpful advice on how to make sure people stay thanked… if I get a chance I’ll make sure to comment on each of your blogs!

ALERT: INAPPROPRIATE CONTENT BELOW…

I hesitate to even put this up, but it is simply too hilarious to avoid.

Most recent strange search that led someone to my blog:

“my boss pinched my nipples”

I reckon this had something to do with My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the STORE ROOM…

I’ve discovered the best thing… Works-For-Me-Wednesdays… a blog all about what works for, well, anyone who wants to give their 2 cents. So here’s something I’ve always needed help with. Thank you cards. I am HORRIBLE at them… I can hardly remember to do them. I need something to remind me and a way to keep up with giving thanks for the great things people do for me. Any thoughts or suggestions are appreciated!

For answers to many of life’s random questions visit Rocks in My Dryer. Enjoy!

Well, I survived my first night. Though, I was totally exhausted and didn’t get to sleep until about 1:30am. Some web genius told me it was the altitude. Today was good. I learned a lot… one of the moderators keeps referring to “Mom Sites” where us Moms congregate and create online buzz and thus sell products without even intending to… funny stuff. This is a conference about search engine marketing, FYI.

During this same session there was plenty of talk about why community sites that feature reviews from average joes are no good because normal people reviews are often written by the brother of the business owner or someone who was paid for their opinion or bribed with a raffle or something totally selfish. The moderator kept marveling over Mom Sites, though, and how they are so different.

I almost raised my hand to explain to him that while most Moms do have an altruistic intent, some have an inclination just to brag about the latest, coolest, best developmental this or that they have found to other Moms. It’s just one of the many rites of motherhood… give birth (check) become obsessed with showing other Moms what a great mom you are (double check). But he kept talking about the altruistic reviewer that doesn’t exist anywhere – anywhere but Mom sites that is… I didn’t have the heart to squelch his Eutopia.

But it’s true. I think that some Moms really have a need to let other Moms know how fabulous they are and by keeping up with the latest and greatest and letting everyone know about it- this need is fulfilled. Maybe this is just my experience.

Anyway, Vic sent me an adorable video tonight of Emerson, which you should all see. I’m so very lucky:).